Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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