I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dick very happy bro
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize