The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Michael Bay diarrhea
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
