I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
