He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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