I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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