i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
