have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
