omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
