We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
