there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We are two peas in an std pod
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
50% drunk capacity currently
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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