My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
