the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
