How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
