I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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