i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
