where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
