you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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