Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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