see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
