we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
