The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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