So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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