I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the day after is always just damage control
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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