so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
