Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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