Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
