Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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