I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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