Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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