Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
