i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
