i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I had to cum in my sink.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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