i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
