My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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