when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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