She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
