hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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