Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
