maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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