I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
