Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
