If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
