I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
