she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You made out with two different species that night
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
