just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
