i think my tv is drunk
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
