i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
