I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
