Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
