I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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