idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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