How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do vagina's smell?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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