You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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