its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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