a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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