Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dick very happy bro
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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