I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
