when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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