I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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