i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
