Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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