remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
