the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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