he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
