He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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