i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
