i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
