Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize