Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
