I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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