So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
