A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
