thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
