Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Can you bring me the toilet please
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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