Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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